My wife complained that the kitchen clock had nearly killed her mother, as it fell off the wall seconds after where she had been sitting underneath it.
That darn clock has always been slow.
As my family was leaving Disney World, my daughter waved and said, "Goodbye Minnie!"
My son waved and said, "Goodbye Mickey!"
I waved and said, "Goodbye money!"
Did you hear about Steve Harvey and his wife getting into an argument?
It was a Family Feud!
Me: "Say please...."
Me: "Say thank you..."
Me: (spilling milk) "Ah, crap!"
Toddler: "Ah, crap!"