Best Jokes

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him and said, "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired them and put them back, so why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums?"
 
The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said, "Try the same when the engine is running."

The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said, "I can take any dead engine and make it alive again, can you?"

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.

One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”

His response: “Receipts.”

My elderly mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too!”

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”