Best Jokes

A psychotherapist returned from a conference in the Rocky mountains, where the delegates spent more time on the icy ski slopes than attending lectures and seminars.

When she got back, her husband asked her, "So, how did it go?"

"Fine," she replied, "but I've never seen so many Freudians slip."

In a Psychiatric Hospital, a Journalist asks the Doctor: "How do you determine whether to admit a person as a patient or not?

Dr: Well ... we'd fill a bathtub with water and then give a teaspoon, a glass and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger.

Dr: No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed #39. We will soon start further investigations on you.

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him and said, "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired them and put them back, so why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums?"
 
The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said, "Try the same when the engine is running."

The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said, "I can take any dead engine and make it alive again, can you?"

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.

One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”

His response: “Receipts.”