Best Jokes

$9.00 won 23 votes
 

What is an alien's favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!

23 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Clown" |
$50.00 won 22 votes

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd."

The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man laughed and answers, "Yes, why not?"

The shepherd says, "You are an auditor."

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

" First, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business... now can I have my DOG back?"

22 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Mounika" |
$15.00 won 22 votes

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

22 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "mickey" |
$25.00 won 22 votes
 

Friend: "You shouldn't be gambling. One day you may win but you will lose the next day. The following day you may win again but the very next day you may lose."

Me: "Oh, I hear you! But don't worry, I will not be gambling daily... only on alternate days!"

22 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Shenghen" |