A father was buying bass lessons for his son. After the 1st week the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On the 2nd lesson I learned about the A string."
The 3rd week came by and the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons, what have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons, I already got a gig."
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000."
The idiot replies, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"
The idiot hands over $5.
Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, "Do you want to know about your husband's future?"
Without hesitation, the wife responds. "I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past."