Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, "Do you want to know about your husband's future?"
Without hesitation, the wife responds. "I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past."
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000."
The idiot replies, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"
The idiot hands over $5.
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the 'Painless' dentist. However, a local little girl called Veronica disputed his claim.
"He's a fake!" Veronica told her friends. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like anyone else!"