Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, "Do you want to know about your husband's future?"
Without hesitation, the wife responds. "I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past."
A man needed a horse, so he went to a church and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God", and for it to stop you say, "Amen".
So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
"Whew," said the man, "thank God!"
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000."
The idiot replies, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"
The idiot hands over $5.