Best Jokes

Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks, "Who’s funeral is this?"

The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.”

Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?”

"This is the dog that killed her.”

So Tom asks, “Can I borrow the dog for an hour?”

He responds, “Get in line!”

Wife: What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus...

Wife: What do you mean?

Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!

Wife: AWESOME! You do that, I'll do a Mary and show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

The man stayed home.

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”
Tech Support: “All right. What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Netscape.”

Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”
Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”

Tech Support: “No, right click on ‘My Computer’ and select properties on the menu.”
Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”

Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well...