Best Jokes

$15.00 won 15 votes

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.

“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.

“He says you’re gonna die.”

15 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mounika" |
$25.00 won 15 votes
 

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.

“Great,” she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.

“I don’t want this box,” she said abruptly. “It’s been opened.”

15 votes

CATEGORY Holiday Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Mounika" |
$50.00 won 15 votes

Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks, "Who’s funeral is this?"

The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.”

Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?”

"This is the dog that killed her.”

So Tom asks, “Can I borrow the dog for an hour?”

He responds, “Get in line!”

15 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "mickey" |
$8.00 won 15 votes
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Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you a question?"

Wife: "Is that what I do?"

15 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 7th Place won $8.00
posted by "Leibel" |