Best Jokes

Police officer talks to a driver: "Your tail light is broken, your tires must be changed, and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars!!"

[Pause]

Driver: "Alright, go ahead and do it. They want twice as much as that at the garage."

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said, "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest."

24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man, "Why didn't you raise your hand?"

The man replied, "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge."

A psychiatrist met an old patient and exclaimed, "I heard you died."

"But you see I'm alive," smiled the ex-patient.

"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "I was told you'd died by a colleague who's had 22 peer-reviewed papers published, so his opinion's bound to be much more reliable than yours."