A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the track.
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
Jeff to son Jeffery: "Why don't you get your girlfriend a sun lamp?"
Jeffrey: "Why a sun lamp?"
Jeff: "Yes, I bought your mother one."
Jeffery: "She bakes herself with it?"
Jeff: "Yes. Yesterday she baked herself for six hours and now she is the toast of the town!"
Why did the cow go to the church house?
It heard they had a new Pastor!