word play jokes

Counselor: “Mr. Johnson I’d like to request you no longer bring your pet fly to our sessions.”

Mr. Johnson: “But he’s my friend and we go everywhere together”.

Counselor: “Every time I make a suggestion you turn to your fly and then you tell me your fly doesn’t like that suggestion. You need to have an open mind Mr. Johnson, your fly is standoffish and closed to anything new. I don’t know how you can walk around in public with a friend that‘s so closed.”

Mr. Johnson: “My little friend really doesn’t like that suggestion. There’s no way I’m going to walk around in public with an open fly.”

Want to feel old?

A celebrity you’ve never heard of has never heard of a celebrity that you have heard of.

I asked the Lord to tell me, Why my house is such a mess
He asked if I'd been 'computering', And I had to answer 'yes.'

He told me to get off my butt, And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my good work. I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops - I found a real absorbing site
That I got SO way into it - I was into it all night.

So nothing's changed except my mouse. It's as shiny as the sun.
I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my bum.