I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): "Scissors?"
Just because my wife and I didn't eat all of our pizza, the waitress became violent.
She said, "Do you want a box?"
I said, "Heavens no! I don't box, but I'll wrestle you!"
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down...
In which you fill in a form by filling it out...
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!