"Wise men are always in doubt. Only idiots are sure of their case."
"Are you sure of that?"
"Yes, absolutely."
There's only one reason I would take up walking again...
So that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): "Scissors?"
Just because my wife and I didn't eat all of our pizza, the waitress became violent.
She said, "Do you want a box?"
I said, "Heavens no! I don't box, but I'll wrestle you!"