word play jokes

Working in an ophthalmology practice that specializes in LASIK surgery, I am expected to comfort nervous patients. But prior to one operation, the patient was so nervous she was actually shaking.

Nothing I said to her would comfort her so after the doctor finished on the first eye and before he began on the second I wanted her to know the surgery was going well.

"There," I said, patting her hand reassuringly, "now you only have one eye left."

What did the former boxer-turned-barista ask his patrons?

"Ya want one lump or two???"

So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”

She said, "Ammonia cleaner."

I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”